13.3.10

tiga hal...

There are 3 things currently that I remember can pleasure him but killing me:
1. Saya makan banyak
2. Saya bilang dia ganteng
3. Saya cemburu sama dia

And these things below happened in my last few weeks are things which I hate and (definitely) pleasure him, I can say...

QUIT the diet.
Saya males ngunyah, jadi males makan banyak-banyak. Hihi. Ditambah sebuah fakta bahwa kalo saya menambah porsi makan saya sedikit lebih banyak dari biasanya, perut saya akan lebih dulu membuncit daripada bagian-bagian tubuh yang lain. Few weeks ago saya bahkan nyobain diet. For the first time all my life, saya diet. I eat only once a day, siang. Dan mengurangi porsinya. Malamnya cuma minum susu. Dibanyakin minum air putih. Dan akhirnya gak kuat.. I quit in a week.

I wont say the diet was fail. Saya emang gak ngeliat perubahan yang signifikan di tubuh saya karena seminggu itu. Selain internal tubuh saya yang emang jadi kerasa gak beres. Saya jadi susah tidur sejak hari ketiga menjalani siklus itu. Susah tidur tapi selalu ngantuk. Badan selalu lemes dan rambut saya jadi cepet lepek, entah kenapa. And to be honest, my first reason to finally quit the diet is because I dont want to see my hair starting to fall each day because I'm lack of nutrition.

Setelah tau tentang program diet itu, jadi banyak yang marah-marah. Ibu, Him, and also my friends.
Temen-temen yang sebenernya awalnya justru bikin saya jadi kepengen diet dengan sering banget bilang dan komentarin kalo perut saya buncitlah yang akhirnya justru bilang they didnt mean it, It was just a joke and they didnt think there was anything wrong with me and my body.
Ibu marah-marah dan bilang sekalian aja gak usah makan. "Kalo diet polanya kayak gitu sih bukan diet, nyiksa diri.." Beberapa hari dari percakapan lewat telepon itu, Ibu mengirimkan paket makanan dari Lampung. Isinya: Ikan asap, Pepes ikan, Sate Ikan, dan Udang, dan bisa buat berhari-hari..
Him? Jangan tanya. Saya sekarang jadi dipaksa makan melulu kalo lagi sama dia. "nggak usah diet-diet, kamu udah seksi" katanya. Huhuu.. What a white-lie.. Kemana-mana, makan. Dan makannya banyak.. And I know he is happy to see me chewing all the time. Saya merasa dijebak biar nemenin dia jadi buncit juga. Grr..

the NEW haircut.
Saya pernah berfikir, satu-satunya alasan kenapa gel rambut diciptakan adalah untuk menimbulkan kesan sudah mandi kepada orang-orang yang malas mandi.
For me, It's so iyeuh seeing the hair with a gel, the-wet-look..
Dan seperti kesamber petir when suddenly he came to my house, appeared with the-wet-look-hair. I said to him, I dont like it. Dia kekeuh. "Kata orang-orang kantor aku bagus kok, banyak yang bilang bagus.." Time after time, I'm getting used to of the-wet-look-hair. Kadang-kadang dia lupa pake gel. Kadang-kadang gel-nya kebanyakan. Kadang-kadang normal. Well, apapun, I'm just getting used to. Gak masalah lagi.

But then the hair is growing and getting awful, I asked him to have a haircut. I showed him one I loved to see in him. Then the next week he came with this kind of new hairstyle where he dont need to put any gel in it to make it tidy or even cooler. And I like it.

And suddenly I slipped the words.. "Bagus kok rambutnya... Ganteng.." CRAP!
Raut wajahnya berubah licik dan tertawa penuh kemenangan. Sial.
Dia bilang, itu adalah kali kedua saya bilang dia ganteng selama kita saling kenal.

that CREATURE, not the virtual one.
Dulu, saya pernah mencoba menjalin hubungan baik kembali dengan seorang mantan pacar. Seorang, karena meskipun sama yang lain saya juga sempat tidak bertegur sapa, sama mantan yang satu ini adalah yang paling panjang ceritanya. Panjang cerita suka dukanya, panjang deritanya. Hmm..
Alasan untuk gak bertegur sapa, jelas, we've hurted each other. Mungkin dulu akan merasa paling menang kalo satu dan lainnya berhasil menyakiti. We were immature, yes we were.

Alasan paling jelas untuk kemudian saling mengacuhkan satu sama lain adalah ketika satu persatu muncul orang lain yang merasa pernahnya saya hadir dalam hidup si mantan adalah hal yang mengganggu.
Those people. Those new girls that came to his life, starting to hate me and maybe the other random ex-es of this ex from head to toe.. You know, A-jealous-boy can be physically destructive. A-jealous-girl can do something un-expected indeed. And at first, the fact that those girls are trying to push someone to hate me was YES, annoyed me.
Satu per satu dari mereka saling berganti, satu karakter dan banyak karakter muncul dengan cara yang berbeda-beda menunjukkan rasa cemburu masing-masing. I even had ever been so curious of THE WHY that on earth they can be so jealous like that..

The virus was spreading then, but It just went by. I ignored them.

Sekarang, kejadian-kejadian gak enak tentang this awkward situation dengan si mantan that was caused by the jealous-virus justru jadi inspirasi buat saya, walaupun terkadang saya kurang bijak menyikapinya pada saat benar-benar mengalaminya di depan mata.

I dont want to have a relationship that is fully of worried-things. Why dont we give our partner a trust and a space to look forward their own-happiness? And again, let us just be a homy home..Then let the heart guide them home.
Why can’t it be just like that?

Is it worth to discuss and put anger a lots to those other creatures dimana faktanya di waktu-waktu tersebut kamu justru bisa manfaatin buat ketawa bareng dan ngobrolin topic tertentu.
Is it worth to worry too much dimana faktanya gak ada yang perlu dikhawatirin cause the love is still in between and no one's cheating.
Is it worth to bordering our partner's life dimana faktanya manusia itu kan mahkluk sosial yang gak bisa hidup sendiri. They have to build a life to share with other people who maybe will help them later while they're in troubles.
How can they do it if they were bordered and unable to get in touch to others, right?

It's killing inside, the jealous-thing. Gak sehat.

That's the reason why I don't jealous that much with this man-I'm-sharing-happiness-and-also-sadness-with right now. I've been trying to keep my trust with him, and It's been years already, tanpa perlu banyak bumbu untuk meraciknya.

Sesekalinya saya cemburu ya yang kayak kejadian beberapa waktu yg lalu tentang dia sama mantan kecengannya yang jadi semacam kasih tak sampainya gitu. I kept on silence at first, then asked him about the real situation, he smiles, senyum yang sangat sangat sangat licik. Merasa menang. Merasa ganteng. Merasa don juan. Then He explained it sambil sesekali tertawa bangga. Cih! I felt unsecure right after. Berasa kalah perang. Zzzz.. See? Gak banget kan efeknya..

0 comments: